Connection as Medicine

I was on a long drive the other day and was listening to a Tim Ferriss podcast. If I remember correctly, it was this one. They were speaking about depression and loneliness, and Tim said something along the lines of: “Loneliness is not a disease — it’s a failure to book group activities in your calendar.”

It felt so true to me.

One of the things I’ve realised in my own life, having been very familiar with depression and loneliness for a lot of my life, is just how much being lonely and isolating myself actually hurts me. It literally feels like poison in some ways, whereas being with others feels like medicine. I believe we as humans are meant to live in small groups and to be with others every day.

But ironically, one of the things that probably worsens depression the most is isolation — and when I’m depressed, the last thing I want to do is be social. It’s silly like that.

So when Tim said that, it rang so true because this is exactly what I’ve started to do in my own life. I have begun to strategically and intentionally plan things and put them in my calendar: “call this person,” “go visit that person,” or I invite friends and family for hikes, cinema, and so on. I intentionally invest time in socialising and in making and nurturing the connections and relationships in my life, since I’ve seen such a dramatic connection between that and my depression.

Being with other people — doing pleasurable activities, trying new things, simply being together — is like taking a medicine that heals my body. So whereas before I would only socialise on the rare occasion when I “felt like it” (which was almost never), now I don’t wait for that feeling. I intentionally book things in advance, and when I look at my calendar and plan the weeks ahead, I make sure there are several events or tasks in there that are about making, keeping, and nurturing the relationships and people in my life.