The Belief That’s Been Costing Me Money

I house-and-pet-sat for a friend several times, and every single time, she tried to pay me. And every single time, I kept refusing. No, no, no, you don’t have to pay me. I’m not even doing anything, this is no bother at all, and I actually like doing this, I would do it anyway even if you don’t pay me. Besides, you’re my friend, so.

I would do it regardless of whether she paid me or not, and honestly, I probably got as much out of it as she did. Maybe more. That was my whole argument. My very solid, very reasonable case for why she should just keep her money.

It took me a while to notice what I was actually saying.

I was saying: because this is easy for me, I’m clearly not doing anything, so what’s there to pay for, right?

Which is insane. Because isn’t that the dream? Isn’t that the whole goal? To get paid for the stuff that feels effortless to me, that I’m naturally good at, that I love doing and would do anyway even if no one paid for me for it. That is literally the thing I’ve written down in journals and vision boards for years.

So why, the second that dream showed up in real life — a friend handing me money for something that felt exactly like that — my first instinct was, no, no, don’t be silly, you don’t have to pay me for that.

What the actual hell!

Well, here’s the belief: something is only worth money if it’s hard for me. If it costs me effort. The harder I work, the more value it is.

What a load of BS!

I’ll give you another example. My friend’s boyfriend is a personal trainer and his clients pay him a monthly fee, and mostly what he does is show up for them — check in, keep them accountable, be there. And she said it almost like it was a cheat code: it’s easy money, he’s not really doing that much, time-wise. But it’s not about how much time or effort he’s putting in, it’s about how much value he’s giving them. Those are not the same thing. Effort does not equal value. Time does not equal value. Value is value, whether it costs you a lot or almost nothing to give it. His clients aren’t paying for his sweat. They’re paying for the thing he’s naturally good at giving them: presence, consistency, support, knowledge, experience, encouragement. That doesn’t cost him much (anymore), but is worth tremendous value to his clients.

I want to get paid like that. I want to get paid for incredible value with minimal effort. (Yep! I said it!). I don’t want to earn money by grinding through hours I hate, I want my work to feel easy and fun, something I’d choose to do even if no one paid me for it.

It’s the same math as my friend and I. She wasn’t offering to pay for effort either. She was offering to pay for the actual thing I gave her — peace of mind, someone trustworthy, someone who’d genuinely enjoy being there, and love and care for her home and pets. The fact that it felt easy to me doesn’t shrink what it was worth to her. If anything, it’s the opposite.

I was in the sauna with friends recently, and this exact topic came up. Turns out I’m not the only one carrying this belief around. We sat with it for a while, going back and forth, until one of them said: what if the more natural something feels to you, the more effortlessly it comes — that’s the greatest value of all? Because that’s your thing. That’s the part of you that moves through you without you forcing it.

I freakin loved that! Ima take that belief and make it mine, thank you very much! I said.

So now, with my friend, super uncomfortable as it was for me, I did something small but different. I gave her my account number and told her she could feel into what she thought it was worth to her, and pay if she wanted to. I still couldn’t bring myself to actually ask for a number, because she’s my friend 😏. But I let the door stay open instead of shutting it down completely. And she paid me. And the feeling from it actually felt fine. Good, even.

Effortless doesn’t mean worthless. Effortless might be the clearest sign of the thing that’s actually, truly yours.

♡